Always a Spectacle

Leaving the house is always a big deal. Not just because there are 3 little people to wrangle into the van, a diaper bag to not only fill up but to remember, and bribery that begins the instant their butts hit the car seats (“if you don’t throw yourself onto the floor in public today, I will give you some chocolate! Mmm…you LOVE chocolate!”).

It’s a big deal because, with 3 kids under 3, we are always a spectacle.

Filing out of the van is always an ordeal. When I’m by myself with the kids I open up the side door, climb into the van and unbuckle the toddlers. Then I carefully lift the baby’s car seat out and set it on the floor while I get back out of the van. I grab the car seat in one arm and help the toddlers out of the van. Then with my free hand, I hold Pax’s hand and he holds Jaelyn’s hand. Spectacle.

I am blessed to have children that are pretty well behaved a lot of the time. I haven’t yet had an incident where one of the toddlers lets go of a hand. Yet.

We fill up an entire cart with little bodies. If we’re lucky we can find a cart with one of those nifty attachments; either the double seater or the tiny car in the front. The kids love the tiny car! As we walk hand in hand into the store, or as I push the loaded cart, we get looks of adoration and we get the crazy eye. You know the crazy eye. That look of utter bewilderment with a little bit of annoyance thrown in. I’m sure I’ve given that look pre-children. “Oh my gosh, are you insane? Why would you take them all out by yourself?!”

e get comments. Lots of comments. OH BOY, the comments.

“Are they all yours? “

“Are they twins” (referring to the toddlers)

“You sure have your hands full.”

“You are SO busy!”

“Wow, your life must be crazy right now.”

“You know they figured out how that happens?!”

“Got your own little day care, huh?”

And my all-time favorite “Pretty soon you’ll have your own tv show! Are you trying to compete with the Duggers?” (because 3 kids equals 19).

The list goes on and on and on. If I go out with all three kids, it’s guaranteed my little entourage will draw some looks and a few comments.

We aren’t just a spectacle when we go out either. Turns out, we are quite the ordeal even at home. Right now life is a whirlwind. I’m sure many can relate. Life is just crazy and chaotic. It doesn’t always seem like it in the day to day, when we are at home and in our element and doing our normal 3 kids under 3 thing.

But when we are around other people- people with no kids or people with older children, I realize how truly hectic and crazy life is right now. When I take a moment to sit and observe my surroundings, ya know…those rare moments when I can sit and breathe for just a second, I’m amazed at how insane it all seems to be. I wonder how I am keeping my head above the water.

I look at the overflowing dishes, the piling laundry, the toys scattered throughout the house (and why, for the love, can’t they just keep their toys in the toy room?! It’s a toy room for a reason, right?!) and I feel overwhelmed by it all.

      (The infamous toy room. This disaster literally takes them roughly 11                                                     seconds to complete)

 I see these 3 little people, so dependent on me for everything, so very needy and sometimes extremely whiney and sometimes all needing me at the same time, and I feel exhausted.

And then Pax, little mama’s boy Pax, runs up and kisses me on the arm and quickly runs off again. A real kiss. A lip-puckered-with-the-actual-smacking-noise kiss. Any mom can relate to a slobbery kiss from a little boy- especially a little boy who had previously only done the open mouthed kiss. A real kiss. On my arm. From my son.

And then there it was! My heart completely melted.

               (My baby boy. Energetic, furniture climber, rowdy, cuddly,                                                        mama's boy, heart melter)

I survive this crazy spectacle of a life for those heart-melting moments. They are rare in the day to day. Let’s just be honest here. The minutes and the hours pass slowly and sometimes there really isn’t any physical reward for all the hard work. But the love that I have for these children is overflowing and never ending. And at the end of the day, when all 3 kids are fast asleep and I think over the day’s events and I wonder how we can continue doing this day after extremely long day, I look at those sleeping bodies in their 3 little cribs and I know. I just know that I can do this because I love them. I can do this because this spectacle of a life means something. I’m their mom. I’m the biggest influence in their lives right now. I get the amazing and very scary job of molding these tiny people and  helping to shape their characters and tell them about Jesus and pray pray pray that my influence is positive and Christ-like.

So yes, we are a sight to be seen. We are a spectacle. We are a little bit crazy right now. And most of the time I’m overwhelmed and a little scatter brained. But…BUT this is my life and this is an amazing life. So when I get those inevitable comments from people about how crazy it must be with these three little ones, I smile and say “Yeah, it’s crazy. But it’s fun too and I love it!” And that’s the honest truth!

Tips on Having Two under Two

Baby bunching. Apparently that's the term for having kids close together in age. Well, that's what we did. We bunched up our first two babes and had them 14 months apart. And ya know what...I wouldn't change it for the world.

Sure it's sometimes the most ridiculous and difficult thing- like when my toddler is having a serious temper tantrum and the baby is screaming because he wants to be fed RIGHT NOW! Or when I'm trying to get the baby down for a nap and Miss Fits decides that right then would be the most opportune time for me to hold her and yells "uppy" at the top of her lungs. Or when I'm the only one home and need to leave the house to attend a diaper party, in which case I end up carrying a baby in a carseat, a wiggly toddler, a diaper bag, a snack bag, a pack of diapers and my coffee down the most ridiculous set of steep stairs.

But most of the time it's a lot of fun. Lots of lessons in patience, that's for sure. But so much fun with these two little ones.

And so, if you decide to join the ranks in baby bunching, let me just tell you that the excitement and the joys are abounding! But it's also terrifying, exhausting, and so difficult. But the joys far outweigh anything else.
 

My tips on having Two under Two:

1.    Continue with your toddler’s daily routine. No matter what age your older child is when you add a new baby, there are bound to be some adjustments for him or her. Miss Fits was only 14 months old when Mr. Mellow came into the picture. I know she was too young to truly understand what was happening, but she definitely knew that something was different and became more…clingy. This new creature suddenly took up much of mommy’s time and body, and she didn’t like it! Sticking with our daily routine helped a lot, I believe. She still knew what was coming and what to expect most of the time.

Vacuuming isn't really Miss Fits daily routine. But...it was fun to watch her try. And it's a cute picture!

2. Shower every 2 days. This may seem like a silly tip, but seriously…it’s important. I’ve discovered that when I actually take the time to shower, and scrub the spit up out of my hair and the weird sticky substance from yesterday’s lunch off of my arm, I feel much better. Like a human. It’s unrealistic to think that you can get a shower in every single day. I say opt for every other day. If you can’t fit a shower in, just comb your hair. Get out of your flannel pajamas or black yoga pants. Put a little make up on. Seriously, when you make a little effort to take care of yourself, you will feel so much better.

3. If you have steep steps, MOVE! Okay, not seriously. But you need to think about how you get in and out of your house right now with your toddler. When I was pregnant with #2 we lived in an upstairs apartment. The stairs were steep and slippery- especially when it rained or snowed. I fell down them twice while I was pregnant. Miss Fits was definitely not able to go up or down the stairs at that time, so I did a lot of carrying. And when the new little guy came, I did even MORE carrying. There were times when I had to leave the house with both kids- alone. I didn’t want to leave either one alone, so I would carry them both down those steps. It was scary! Just be aware of how you do things now, because it will get much more difficult once #2 arrives.
 

4. Accept help and forget housework! This is one thing I failed to do. I have it in my mind that I have to do it all. The truth is, you will be a better wife, mom, and really just a better person all around if you don't wear yourself out. Having a baby is hard work! Having two babies is even harder! Add the cooking, cleaning, and every other aspect of life to the mix and it can get down right exhausting! Accept the help. Nobody is offering help? ASK for help! Hire help if need be! Your sanity is at stake here. And housework...well it'll always be there. Take a few weeks and just recover from giving birth and enjoy your two beautiful babies!

When you forget the housework, you get to enjoy moments like these!

5. Wear your baby! I was told by many that I wouldn’t have time to hold my newbie as much as I did my first born. That’s just not true. In fact, I think I held Mr. Mellow MORE than I held Miss Fits. I used the Moby wrap a lot those first few months. It was a life-saver!

Or get your hubby to!

 6. Teach your first born to play alone. This is a tip I wish I would have had BEFORE having the little guy. I didn’t start to teach Miss Fits to play alone until Mr. Mellow was already 4 months old. If you teach your toddler this early on, it will make your life much easier! Schedule in “play time” every morning and afternoon.

Miss Fits playing all by herself

7. Anticipate the months to fly by. Before I knew it, Mr. Mellow was 6 months old, sitting up, rolling over and on the verge of crawling. They seriously do grow up so fast! And honestly, you’re in such a haze from little sleep and caring for two very dependent little people that all of the days seem to blend together.

 8. Anticipate the days to drag on. Okay, maybe that sounds contradictory to what I just said about the months flying by. It’s not. Days are different than months. The days…the single hours in a day can be so relentless. Seriously, it’s only 11:15am?! I’ve already changed the sheets because my toddler decided to take off her poopy diaper first thing this morning, and I’ve picked up the blocks 10,000 times already as my feet are gushing blood from stepping on them repeatedly (seriously, who thinks that blocks are kid friendly?!), I’ve changed numerous diapers, fed the kids breakfast and a snack, listened to Daniel Tiger sing “friends help each other, yes they do, it’s true” one too many times, sat down to drink my coffee- only to discover that the toddler was “helping” the baby stand up, found myself actuallywatching Daniel Tiger and singing along, cleaned pee pee up off of the floor b/c my potty training toddler decided to empty the potty seat into the big potty all by herself…relentless. On and on.

This moment.

9. Schedule. Having a schedule is a lifesaver. I never imagined I’d be a schedule person, but lo and behold it’s kept my sanity intact. I got the two kiddos on the same nap and bedtime schedule as soon as I possibly could. They both take an afternoon nap together and then go to bed at 6:30 p.m. It’s so nice because then I have a few hours in the afternoon and several hours at night to get cleaning done, or just have some nice quiet time with the hubby.

This pic doesn't have anything to do with a schedule. But just look at how little they were!!

10. Realize that schedules will change. Just go with the flow. So maybe that sounds contradictory to what I said above. It’s not really. Yes it’s very important to have a schedule and keep the kids on a routine. But babies are constantly changing. At the very beginning Miss Fits was still taking two naps. Both kids would nap at the same time in the morning and the afternoon. But soon she dropped her first nap. The little guy was still napping 4 times a day. Eventually he went down to 3 naps, and now sometimes he only takes 2. Schedules change. It’s important to realize when they need to change and to be flexible enough to go along with it.

11. Regressive behavior. Everything I read online said that your older child will probably show some regressive behavior with the arrival of your newbie. This is probably true for an OLDER child. But Miss Fits was only 14 months when the little guy came along. She hardly paid him any attention at all. Maybe because she was so young herself? However, I will say that the chances of your firstborn exhibiting jealousy after the first several months is highly likely. It wasn’t until our newbie was 6 months old that Miss Fits really started noticing all of the attention he was getting. She suddenly wanted to start nursing again. In fact, she would cry and throw a fit whenever I would nurse him and beg to have “mama’s milk”. She wanted to be held like a baby, burped like a baby, etc. Anything the baby was doing, she wanted to do. Maybe that’s regressive behavior. But I think it’s more jealousy as she became more aware.

She is clearly too big for this swing that she MUST be in. But since the baby was in it.... Also, she's not sleeping. She's pretending.

12. Bath time/bedtime: Our bathtime/bedtime routine changed a lot in the first several months. At first I continued with my firstborn’s normal bedtime routine. She would get a bath, then jammies, read a book, pray, sing a song and into bed. After she was in bed, I would begin the routine with the little guy. But as he got a little bit older and began having a more regular schedule, I started to switch things up. Once he began siting up on his own I began bathing them together. I got a little plastic basket and sat him in that…just to help him sitting up better and keep him in place. Then I was able to wash up my older daughter without worrying about him toppling over. I’d get the older one out first, then the younger, and we’d all go into my older daughter’s bedroom. I’d do the routine with both of them, put my daughter in her crib and then take the little guy to his room, nurse him and put him to bed. As he’s gotten older it’s been easier to do things together. Makes bedtime shorter for me too!

13. As soon as your newbie becomes more mobile it will be a LOT easier. By 6-7 months it seems you can finally take a breathe. The kids will even start interacting more and that’s always so much fun!!

Crawled himself right into the corner!

14. Sleep is for the dead. I always tell myself this…partly because it’s funny, but partly because it seems so true. When you’ve got a baby sleep seems like a rare and precious commodity. Hard to come by. When you’ve got a baby AND a toddler…you learn to survive on very little sleep. When one of those kids is sick….oh boy! You’d better have that coffee IV ready to go. I thought that with my calm and content second child I would have no problems with him sleep. WRONG! My colicky and rambunctious daughter slept better than he does. If this happens to you, just remind yourself that “this too shall pass”. And find the humor in dragging yourself out of bed every 30 minutes throughout the entire night (trust me, once sleep deprivation hits, everything will be funny!)

This is what happens when you doze off...your loving hubby takes a picture of you. How kind.

15. Traveling. My tip is to just not do it! Unless you have some back up, traveling with 2 under 2 is a huge headache. We made a cross country move when the kids were 18 months and 4 months. And to top it off, Miss Fits was terribly sick. AND we drove straight through. It was rough. Absurd really. But we did survive. So if you must travel, bring some help! And bring some activities. And forget about your rule to never let your kids watch t.v. It can be a real life saver on such a looooong trip. We had just received a dvd player for the car, that came with TWO screens. All we had was one dvd of Veggie Tales, but it entertained the kids for quite a while. Yes, even the 4 month old would stare at the screen and be content (and for a baby that screamed when he was in the carseat…it was a real life saver)

16. Potty training: Everyone has their different opinions on potty training-when to start, when the kid is ready, how to do it, how long it takes, etc etc. I will just say that it depends on you and it depends on your kids (yes, kids plural. If your toddler may be ready, but your infant is high needs then it might not work for you to begin training if you can’t spend a lot of time not holding your baby and tending to your toddler). I was determined to not have two in diapers (even though it’s not so bad. Really.), so I went ahead and gave potty training a go. Miss Fits was potty trained by 19 months. So it definitely worked out to our benefit. Of course…it’s crazy trying to potty train AND take care of a baby. But, I’m a stay at home mom, so I definitely had the time. And…I’m always working on my patience, so that helped a lot J

17. Remind yourself you are only one person and it’s okay! There will be moments when both of the kids need your attention at the same time. Just take care of the greater need first. The baby is crying because he or she is hungry, and your toddler just went pee pee in the potty and tried to dump the pee in the toilet all by herself (Yay!). The baby just had a diaper explosion and your toddler found the permanent marker and is heading towards the couch (the couch that isn't YOURS, by the way). Your toddler fell down and wants you to kiss her owie and your baby is currently nursing. The baby is crying and your toddler is throwing a tantrum. These moments will happen. You are only one person. You will figure it all out. Everything will be just fine!

Also remind yourself that your kids are the cutest and nothing else matters!

Pros:
* You don’t really need to prepare your toddler for the new baby. Miss Fits was only 14 months old when Mr. Mellow made his debut. She wouldn’t have understood anyway. I taught her simple things that would be helpful for when the baby was born- the sign for “baby” and what the word “gentle” means. She was also learning how to go get different items. That was a BIG help when the little guy showed up! 

*  Your kiddos will likely grow up to be best friends and playmates!

* They can share most everything- no need to buy new toys and baby furniture. Of course, you will still need to invest in a new crib, high chair and maybe a double stroller.

*   Everyone will comment on how brave (or crazy!) you are.

*   You can get away with a lot because of how sleep deprived you are!

*  You get to do things differently this time. I always joke that the first born is the guinea pig. You really don’t know what you are doing, just sort of winging it. With the second you are more seasoned and things seem a little clearer.

* They are really cute and a lot of fun! 

* You get to see how differently their personalities are- how two kids raised in the same home can be so different! 

Cons:

* You will have 2 in diapers. Not terrible (honestly), but definitely pricey.

 * You will have to carry both of them. My 14 month old was definitely not capable of climbing up or down stairs. Anytime we left the house, they both had to be carried. Same for going into the store, or really anywhere. Miss Fits could walk great- the problem was that she would RUN if her feet hit the ground. She hadn’t quite mastered the task of holding my hand and walking nicely.

 *  People will feel free to make comments and ask questions about your personal life. “Was this planned?”, “You DO know how this happens, right?!”, “You sure have your hands full”, “Are you going to have more?”, “You should stop having kids now. You have one of each”. And on and on. My favorite question is “Are they twins?” Yes, they are twins. We just had this one 14 months before this one. But yes, twins.

* Sleep deprived AGAIN!!

* Losing the baby weight AGAIN!

 *  It becomes harder to go out and do things because one of the kids is always napping

I know there are a lot more tips I can come up with. This is just what’s off the top of my head. And honestly, it’s taken me months to find the time to sit down and get all of this written out. Feel free to add more tips if you’d like! Or ask questions. Or make funny comments. People do it anyway, so you might as well join the ranks!