Serving is HARD. It’s hard because at the core of who we are is selfishness. We’d rather be served. We’d rather others be thoughtful and mindful of us and our wants and needs.
We want our husbands to see how difficult the day was with the kids, how they ran around us like wild people, taking any amount of patience and sanity we had and transforming it into a blurry mess of frustration and exhaustion. We want him to notice the circles under our eyes because we were up all night with one of the kids. Did he even realize we weren’t in bed most of the night? Did he notice every time we got up? We want him to pay attention to how terribly exhausted we are, how frustrating it is doing this day after day with no special thanks.
We want him to see how we work all day too and also come home to a house that needs cleaning, dinner that needs to be made, and kids that need to be loved on, bathed and put to bed.
But the truth is...we don’t deserve any of that. And that’s not what marriage is about. Marriage is about serving, loving and doing life together. But we often let our selfishness get in the way of what matters the most.
When we look at our marriage as a serving opportunity- what can I do for my spouse, rather than how can he meet my needs- we are functioning in our marriage as God intended. The outcome of such thoughtfulness and service is typically one of reciprocation. Though that’s not the reason for service, it does a marriage good when both spouses are reciprocal to the needs and wants of each other, when both seek to serve.
How can I serve my husband today?
Every marriage is different, just as each person is different. The ways in which I serve my husband might look completely different than how you serve your husband.
Here are some of the ways that I personally serve my man:
I make him breakfast. On the mornings that he has to work, I make him breakfast. I get up before he does (because the kids wake up obnoxiously early!), make breakfast for everyone and then have the kids go wake him up. This is something that I actually enjoy, and I feel good about making him a healthy breakfast to start his busy day.
I wash his clothes and put them away. To you this may just be a normal chore that you do. To me, it’s how I can serve my husband. The truth is, I don’t enjoy doing the laundry. Actually, let me rephrase that...I don’t enjoy putting away the laundry. I could wash, dry and even fold clothes all day long. I don’t mind that one bit! But putting them away. Ugh! There is just something about it that makes me want to do any. other. thing. But I still choose to serve my husband in this way because I know that he appreciates having clean clothes and he enjoys NOT having to dig through the laundry basket of folded clothes. *But I need to admit that I still fail at this one most days. It’s my goal to put the laundry away every time. But as I write this, there are 2 laundry baskets of clean and folded clothes in our room, and another one in the living room*
I watch things with him. I’m not always a fan of my husbands choice in movies and t.v. shows. Sometimes I’d rather be...putting away the laundry. But does he know that? Absolutely not! Serving doesn’t have to be elaborate. It can simply be doing what he enjoys doing.
I encourage him. Men need respect and men need encouragement. It’s easy to think that I have the harder job. Afterall, I stay at home with 4 kids under 5. It’s my job to keep them all alive, fed, to teach them how to control their emotions, how to love their siblings, who Jesus is and why we should be kind. It’s my job to make all the meals, keep the house clean, put away the laundry, and go grocery shopping. Not only that, but I don’t get off at 5pm. My job is 24 hours a day and it is exhausting!
But my job is not easier than his job. My job is different. I serve my husband by encouraging him in his job. Letting him know that I appreciate all that he does, how hard he works, that I notice the sacrifice he makes. Do you think he wants to be gone from us all day long? Well, on most days he does not. He’s making a sacrifice to go to work all day and provide for us. There are numerous ways we can encourage our husbands as a way of serving him.
I pray for him. Prayer is a vital component to a healthy marriage. I pray for the things that he goes through, his struggles. I pray for the people that he encounters on a daily basis. I pray for his walk with the Lord, his leadership roles, him as a husband, and a father and a son. I pray for wisdom and discernment as he leads at church and at home and in the community. I pray for his purity. I pray that God will use him in mighty ways.
I tell him what I’m praying about. I think that there’s something very intimate about revealing your prayers about another person to that person. Not only that, it’s a form of encouragement. How humbling and uplifting to hear the prayers that someone else is taking to God on your behalf!
Serving isn’t always easy. But we serve because we love and we care and it’s what God does for us. I challenge you to look for ways to serve your spouse today. Even if you are struggling in your marriage, even if your spouse doesn’t deserve it (none of us do), even if you are worn out, worn thin and ready to give up. Serve. Find one way to serve today.
If you’re still uncertain of how you can serve, here are a few more examples:
Send a text saying you appreciate him
Leave a note saying you love him
Clean up his mess without complaining
Make him his favorite meal or dessert
Fill up the car with gas before he drives it next
Wash his car for him
Take out the trash before he can get to it
Take him out on a date to see a movie he wants to see, or eat at his favorite restaurant
Think about what he really enjoys and do it with him (or watch him do it)
Tell him what you love about him
Get up in the morning with him if he leaves for work early
If you're looking for a good book on marriage, one of my favorites is Sacred Marriage. It's not your typically marriage book. It talks about how marriage is intended to make us holy, not happy. It's a great read; thought provoking.